The leaving of Severus Snape
by Ms. Gray
Summary: Severus Snape's mind moments before, during and after his leaving of the world.


**DH spoilers!**

**Just an idea I had for the last couple of days. I'm really sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I tried my best to avoid and correct them, but it's the first time I write a story in English, so…**

**(Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Harry potter.)**

* * *

As the sharp fangs sank deeply into his neck, he felt the life pouring out of him, and death's cold embrace claiming him. However, it wasn't as much cold as it was calming, comforting. No more worries, no more decisions, no more problems to deal with, all by himself, as it was for the past year. Death is easy. Life is much harder.

He felt his body trying to survive, his lungs fighting for each breath, his fingers trying in vain to stop the rush of blood from his neck. But his soul didn't care anymore. He was slowly sliding out of his struggling body. Firs he lost the feeling just in his toes. Then his feet…

Legs.

Stomach.

Palms.

Hands.

It went on and on, until there were only his eyes left. He was ready to leave them all behind, as suddenly he saw a box near him rise up and move aside, revealing a pale, confused boy.

_Not yet_, he thought to himself. He couldn't leave yet. He had just one more thing to do. He had to tell the boy the truth, and he had to tell him what to do. But his body is not strong enough to speak, and Harry won't believe just his words. He knew what he had to do, but the thought of it made him mentally shiver. The last time harry went into places this private inside his head, he was furious, and probably scared the boy to death, just to distract him from what he really saw. And now he is going to let him in there by his free will.

But then when he thought about it, he realized that he should have been furious at the boy right now, for seeing him in this pathetic situation. This PRIVATE situation. For some reason he didn't care. He also noticed he didn't call the boy 'Potter' anymore, but 'Harry'. He stopped thinking of him as his father, hating him for his father's crimes. He stopped hating his father. Hate didn't matter at this point, as well as privacy.

And so, with these thoughts he reluctantly squeezed himself back into his still struggling body; which now, after being almost completely out of it, seemed awfully small.

The sudden pain almost paralyzed him, almost made him forget why did he came back in the first place. He wanted to get out of there so bad. It took all of his will power to stay there and squeeze those memories out of himself. When he finally did, there was just one more thing he wanted.

_"Look… at… me…"_…

And with that final sight at those beautiful eyes, he left his body forever. Not slowly like the last time, but fast, decisively. He didn't want to investigate it anymore; he didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to give himself time to hesitate. It was perfect now, Lily's eyes being the last thing he ever saw. He already spoiled his life to the core; he didn't want to spoil his death too.

But of course it couldn't be perfect. Nothing is perfect for Severus Snape. All he wanted was to be gone from this world, with the sight of Lily's eyes in his mind. He was nothing but thought; he was bodiless and shapeless, he couldn't see, hear, smell or taste… but he could…_feel_. And he _felt_ he was still in this world. In this room.. And he could _feel_ Harry's presence. His fear was pushed aside, the boy was confused.

And then Severus understood why he was still there. Harry didn't know everything yet, and his conscience wouldn't let him leave the boy until he did. Since when does he have a conscience? Now that he knew what was restrining him, he could feel that strange pull, which was trying to rip him out of this world, and take him into the unknown. To this point he was sub-consciously resisting it. Now he was doing it in full consciousness, which appeared to be much harder. He didn't want anything to haunt him. He wanted to rest in peace. He had to make sure his work is done.

And so he followed Harry's presence. It didn't feel like walking with him; it didn't feel like moving at all. But somehow he stayed with the boy, and only with him. He didn't feel anyone else. Maybe it was that Harry's emotions were much stronger then any one else's; maybe Severus just didn't need, or didn't want to feel anyone else. He wasn't sure how will he know when Harry sees the memories. He probably won't get any less confused…

And suddenly, the boy disappeared. What happened? Did he get killed? Well… that will solve the problem the easy way. But what if it wasn't the dark lord who killed him? That didn't matter. He did everything he could.

Although… maybe he wasn't dead. Maybe, he couldn't feel him because Harry wasn't there, in the present. He was in the past, watching the memories. He opened up, trying to feel other people. No, no one seems to be upset; or happy, about Harry's possible death.

He decided to wait. He didn't know how much time he waited. He completely lost the ability to track time when he left his body…. A new thought sneaked into his head: the war could be over for decades now… years could have passed without him noticing… what if Harry just died naturally…?

And something strange happened. Severus felt like he was starting to shape again, and the pulling became weaker and weaker. He wasn't coming back to life, he knew that; but he also felt less… dead. Was he becoming a ghost? No! He can't stay here forever! He panicked. He knew he can't stay any longer if he wanted to ever leave this horrible world, but he will never be able to rest in peace if he didn't know if his task was completed. He will wonder about it forever.

And then Harry was there. Severus guessed right- the boy really didn't get any less confused… but it was another kind of confusion. And there was something more. Guilt. Anger. Honor… understanding.

That's it. His role in this world is over. He can go. He relaxed, and just the moment before it was too late, he stopped his resisting, and let himself be pulled into the unknown.

* * *

**Any comments?**


End file.
